Those of you who read my post back in February where I announced The Joy Experiment were told The Joy Report (my conclusions) would be out on February 15.
Yes, I did post an update on Feb 20 but then went merrily on my way (apparently) forgetting I still had a *report* due! I had not forgotten. It’s just that I’m still not quite out of the fog.
Who knew this would take so long? Turning off the tap seemed simple enough–I just stopped doing everything BUT writing and waited for the muse to show up. (I will say she took her sweet time; however, hadn’t I kept her waiting…for months?)
Absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt, writing *IS* my sweet spot. Even if I end up labeling it crap (as it often is), it feels SO good to write. My definitions are opening a bit to allow for blogging as a form of writing since strictly speaking, it is. It’s not as if I want blogging to become my legacy, but it is far easier to be open, natural and even take risks in a blog post than I would in poetry, plays, non-fiction or fiction (I have works in progress in all these literary forms).
I still haven’t returned to the crazy-busy-making of the past re: business marketing and promotion and don’t intend to–ever. But there is a financial gap that will need to be filled at some point and I will have to address it before the panic button starts to flash. Still uncertain what the solution will look like, but I know I’ll recognize it when it turns up. This will sounds like a contradiction, but there’s a great deal of comfort it allowing myself to just *be* in uncertainty.
Getting back to The Joy Experiment, why are the results so difficult to wrestle to paper?
Partly because it’s still so new…this muscle I am using. This muscle called “write, goddamit, just write” (okay, I took some liberties calling it that). It’s my CHOICE muscle. It’s my muscle of “I can do this today, which will result in earning a living” or “I can write.”
I am LOVING writing again. Not that I ever stopped. No, I have NEVER stopped writing. I just wasn’t able to clear my desk enough to write my own stuff. I love working with clients. I love coaching clients. But the time is over when I will dedicate 90% of my time to clients’ work and only 10% to my own. It’s 50/50 from now on.
Have I noticed an increase in my joy quotient? Overall, a resounding yes…but. But? Loads of anxiety over what the financial ramifications will be as I narrow my practice to coaching and one or two client books a year.
So there it is. Yes, more joy but still working hard at getting the have-to and want-to twins to agree.